I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
