Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
