So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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