she was so not down for the gang bang
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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