I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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