I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
