her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it because I queefed?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
