in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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