Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
