You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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