i don't plan on having that self control this summer
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
