a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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