did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
