it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
