Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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