We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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