your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
