I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
