oh god the rape fog is back!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
