I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
