great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Damn victory sex feels great
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
