I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
