so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
