you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
