Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
