do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
