It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
