I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
