I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
