You just made me feel so damn special
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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