if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
