SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
