you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
