phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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