if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
