I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We don't watch enough power rangers
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
