Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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