another moral hangover. fuck.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
