At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
