yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
