if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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