i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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