he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
