i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
