i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
