why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
