your thong is hanging out like whoa
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
