Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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