My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
