i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
