tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
