guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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