hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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