And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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